Its a Boy Girl Thing

Been reading other people's post nowadays and it seems that everybody has been singing on the same tune. It seems that "relationship blogs" is now in season and coincidentally, I had a discussion on this matter a while back and I suppose this would be the best time to blog about this.

I would acknowledge Sdr. Shahrul (aka Boy), Sdr. Rosmin (aka Omin) and  Sdr. Reza (aka Zaaba) as the contributors for this post. Thanks guys...

Everyone has their fair share of stories to tell about relationships and their own set of experiences when it comes to their views on how to handle a relationship. Obviously, I am not excluded from this equation and quite naturally, I too have my fair share of theories when it comes to relationships. But from all these theories, we always have these two situation in question:

Mr. A - A guy who has to go through a number of failed relationships before actually finding "the one"

or

Mr. B - A guy who only commits to a relationship when he feels that this is right one. If she isn't he wouldn't bother in the first place.

So between these two fellas, who has it better?

For myself, I have gone through the worst. A series of failed relationships, one lasted more than 5 years before the relationship crumbled to pieces, broken so many times and today, from the most unexpected person, I may have found the one. The experience has made me stronger, learned all the mistakes that one can make from a relationship as well as knowing my weaknesses in my relationships. In short, I would say that I learned a lot before getting into my current relationship.

And then I have one of my very best friends, who only got together with one person in his entire life and ended up being happily married for almost 3 years now, realizing the fact that there can be no one in this world suitable for him than the very woman he married 3 years ago. Calculated his risk and the future of his relationship and today, he stands as a testament of a strong relationship, without going through the pain of heartbreaks and everything else associated with it.

I have to admit, this issue has been in my mind for years and for some reason, I can never find out a straight answer to this because the discussion will never end. Until recently, the two contributors gave me an opportunity to witness a debate on this matter.

Sdr. Omin's view was very much to the "one-gal" situation, where a man should have the ability to at least tell whether the person is the right one for him. He agrees that the only way to tell was to actually get into a relationship itself but he stresses out on two important criterias:

1. Only get into a relationship unless he is REALLY sure there is a future with this person, which means finding out is from the courtship phase
2. Never giving the person 100% in the relationship unless the person is ABSOLUTELY SURE that she really is the one

His logic behind this would be that this would only be fair for both parties. Fair for his side (ie the guy) simply because that efforts made by the person for the relationship would not be wasted especially when he has given his all. Fair for the other person's side (ie the girl) because if the person ends up being unsure of the relationship, it would not give false hope to the girl.

Sdr. Boy's argument would naturally side on the other situation, where a person would end up richer in experience when he has to go through all the hardship of a relationship. He stated that its a shame where there is a "common fear" of men taking the "Leap of Faith", jumping into a situation where he would not even know whether the relationship is going to work or not, but he would never stop trying. He agrees that heartbreak will always be a possibility, even going as far as saying there is a 70-30 percent chance of a breakup happening but this becomes part and parcel of the "game". Without all this, we would never learn, and there will always be idiots who take relationships for granted and never learn from their mistakes. Thomas Edison once said that he took 10,000 tries before getting the lightbulb to work. Failure is not to stop a man from doing something, is merely showing the direction he should have gone.

Of course, my opinion on this matter will always be biased but its really interesting on how these two views can bring out the perspective of a person to relationship. My arguments on this would be based on two ideas.

A person once told me that a judge of character of a man would never be on his amount of success but rather how fast he dust himself up every time he fails.

A wise friend of mine also told me his concept on relationships must be on one simple thing. A true man gets together with a woman when he knows her truly, rather than getting into a relationship with a woman because he wants to get to know the person.

Personally, I think this idea works on both of the situation above... :)