I have.
In my life I am blessed with lots of people that I can call my friends, who have always been around me and truly have been a great company. Among those, there are some that I am fortunate enough to call my "closest friends" whom I would be able to share a lot with.
Unfortunately, I lost one many years back over a spat that should not have happened and a really stupid angry decision that I made which threw out the whole thing.
I use to have this friend who we met 12 years ago and we became close friends through a bond of friendship that shared so many similar interest especially in sports. I confided a lot of my problems with him and so did he, even to the extent of his family problems which we both helped each other out throughout the years. We bonded and it was the kind of friendship that I truly treasured.
Until the point where I did what I did.
We had a major argument one day and the dumbest thing was that it was a fight between the girls that we were dating at that time and it was about money as well. A lot of things was said that day and when it reached the boiling point, my ex (I never forgave her for doing this) told me to choose, either stand with either my friend and his then girlfriend or her.
I did the unthinkable, said a lot of nasty things and chose to support her.
That was the last time I spoke to him after 10 years.
Until today I regretted everything that I have said and done and it hurts me til this day to think if only I took a rational stance to fix the situation in hand. The thing is, every single time I come to think of probably finding him again and truly apologize for the things I have said and done, the memory of what I said come flashing again and the shame comes back.
To the rest of you guys out there reading this, don't ever burn a bridge of friendship especially with those that are really close to you, because you will end up like me, paying the ultimate price for it for many years to come. It has been that long, for 10 long agonizing years I keep having that stupid scene, where I said so many nasty things out of anger, playing in my head over and over again and it hurts.
It really does hurt.
Luck has it that after 10 years, I bumped into him a couple days back while he was shopping with his wife and all I could do was give a sheepish awkward smile.
If I could turn back time, this would be the one thing that I would want to fix and today, for the dumb things I have done, I still have to bear the consequences of my own action and stupidity. I can't even bear the shame to go and apologize, which I truly would want to do.
If he is reading this, I would seriously like to say I am absolutely sorry for what I have done, I should not have even thought of coming to a decision like that and all this happened because it was my fault. I really am sorry.
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